Author: Diane Button
_Diane Button_
Reading time: 19 minutes
Synopsis
What Matters Most (2025) is a book by someone who helps people at the end of their lives. Diane Button works with people who are dying. She has learned what is most important in life. She also shows us how we can have a peaceful death by living a good life now.
What’s in it for me? Live well to die well.
Imagine you are at the end of your life. How would you feel if you knew your life was ending? Would you feel calm and ready? Or would you have many regrets and worries?
Diane Button is an end-of-life doula, or “death doula.” She helps people in their last days. She has seen how death helps people see things clearly. She has also seen how some people die feeling very calm and peaceful.
Through her work, Button helps people find this feeling of peace and happiness. But she believes we should not wait until we are dying. There are things we can do right now to prepare for a peaceful death. There are ways of thinking and things to do in our daily lives.
In this Blink, we will learn about Button’s very important work. We will also look at some stories that have stayed with her. Maybe you are facing sickness or death now. Or maybe you just want advice on how to live your best life. You will surely learn useful things. People who are dying can teach us what is most important in life.
Blink 1 – Becoming a death doula
At 84 years old, Button’s much-loved grandfather got sick. He had lung cancer. Soon, the cancer spread to his brain. It was very sad to see him in his last weeks. But there were also happy moments.
Just a few nights before he died, the family had dinner together. Button’s grandfather ate his favorite food – lamb chops with mint jelly, then strawberry shortcake.
At one point, he stopped and bent forward, like he wanted to say something important. Then he said slowly, “When I die…I’ll really miss…mint jelly.” Everyone laughed softly. When Button’s grandfather died a few days later, he had a smile on his face.
As Button looked at him, she had a clear thought. She wanted to know more about her grandfather. She wanted to understand what made his life so happy and complete, so he could die peacefully. This is how her journey started.
To learn more about how people die, Button decided to do a higher degree in counseling. She wrote her main paper, doing research on what makes a life important and full. Then, she started to understand. She talked to people aged 75 or older who felt their lives were full and happy, and they were ready to die peacefully.
From her research, Button learned what is most important in life – love, relationships, kindness. Beliefs about religion or spirit can help too. These can help people get ready for the end of their lives calmly.
At last, Button was starting to understand why her grandfather died with a smile. He felt free in his heart. His spirit was calm. He died with no heavy feelings.
Button later worked as a volunteer at a place for people who are dying. Then she learned to be a “death doula,” or someone who helps people at the end of their lives. This means helping people in their last weeks or days. Many people think her work is sad or hard. But actually, she finds it makes her feel good, even happy. It is an honor to be with someone who is dying.
Through her work, she has seen how things change at the end of life. When someone is facing death, what is important changes. They realize there is not much time left. They want to think about what is truly important – like love, meaning, and forgiveness.
In the next parts, we will look at stories about some of the people Button has helped. We will see what we can learn. To have a good death, we must live a good life. We can start preparing today.
Blink 2 – Floyd’s story
Sometimes you meet someone who changes how you think about life. Working with people who are dying, Button has learned many important things. But one person she remembers very clearly. Floyd showed her how to be a doula, respecting every feeling. Most of all, he taught her how important it is to truly listen – to really listen to other people.
When Button and Floyd first met, he was lonely. He was almost 90 years old. He lived alone in the farmhouse where he had lived with his wife for 60 years. Now he was dying because his kidneys were not working. He hoped that talking to Button would help him. Maybe he could feel a bit stronger and meet people more.
Button enjoyed her conversations with Floyd. When he talked about his past, remembering his wife, he became very lively. You wouldn’t think he was dying. Button realized just how important it was for Floyd to talk – to share his feelings and memories with another person.
One day, Floyd asked Button to go with him to a doctor’s appointment. Surprisingly, he was in a good mood, smiling as he entered the office. But the person at the desk hardly looked at him. After asking for basic information, she stopped Floyd while he was still talking. She told him to go to the waiting room.
When the nurse arrived, something similar happened. Floyd smiled brightly at her. He asked her how she was. The nurse spoke softly. She clearly did not want to talk. After checking his pulse and temperature, she left the room. She never even looked at Floyd.
And then, the doctor came in. With a smile, and a voice that showed she truly cared, she asked Floyd how he was. She looked him in the eye as they talked. She remembered how Floyd and his wife used to visit together.
When Button and Floyd left the doctor’s office, he was smiling once again. “I like her,” said Floyd. “I try to be friendly to everyone I meet, but she’s the only one here who even looks at me.”
Then Button understood – the visit to the doctor’s office was probably one of the best parts of Floyd’s week. These short talks with people were important to him. They made him feel that people saw and listened to him.
Floyd’s love for his wife, and his wish to connect with others, are an important lesson about what is most important: our connections with other people. You never know what problems someone might have. So when you meet someone, take a moment to notice them. Listen to them. Smile at them. You might even make their day.
Blink 3 – Roger’s story
Another one of Button’s clients who Button remembered well was a man named Roger. Eighty-year-old Roger had worked as a farmer who raised cows for milk. He was now dying from cancer in his lungs.
It was not Roger who called Button, but his daughter, Jessie. “Dad says he’s fine,” said Jessie, “but he’s not.” The family knew that Roger had spent his life keeping his feelings to himself. Now that he was dying, maybe it would help him to talk about his feelings.
When Button met Roger, she could see that his family was right – Roger was holding back his feelings. But there was another side to it, too. As they talked, Button realized that Roger was doing his best to save his little energy. And one of the reasons he was not speaking fully was to not worry his family.
In Button’s experience, this is a thing that often happens. The person who is dying does not want to talk about their sickness or pain. This is because they do not want their family to worry. But actually, this makes the family worry about them even more. To stop this from happening, they need to talk openly, and maybe cry together.
After a deep, honest talk with Roger, Button told his family to have a meeting. There, they could talk openly about their feelings. At last, Roger could finally share his feelings. He could tell his loved ones that he was not okay. Everyone could talk more honestly. For Roger, he felt much lighter.
Weeks later, Jessie called Button. Roger was at the hospice, and he did not have much time left. When Button arrived, Roger dared her: “Go on, ask me.”
So, Button asked him how he was. Roger gave her an honest answer. He felt very bad. Still, both of them could not help but smile.
Again, there is a lesson to be learned here. It is important to feel your feelings. And to be honest with yourself and others about what is really going on. When someone asks you how you are, do not answer like a machine with “fine,” or “good.” Stop for a moment. Think about how you truly feel. Then respond with the truth. Being honest makes you feel free. It can help us to have stronger connections with others.
Blink 4 – Rosie’s story
The stories we have looked at so far have been about people who were about eighty years old. But sadly, Button’s work sometimes involves younger people – even children. She once worked with Rosie, a six-year-old with cancer that could not be cured.
Rosie’s parents were having a very hard time. Not only did they have a child who was very sick and would not get better, they also had three other young children. Button offered her help. She took Rosie and her brothers and sisters to the park. She also set up art and craft times.
One day, Button asked Rosie what her favorite color was. “Pink glitter,” said Rosie, with a wide smile. “It’s so pretty!”
Button found out that “pink glitter” was a paint that Rosie’s grandmother had made. It was pink paint mixed together with silver glitter. It was hard to make that color again. So, the paint was kept for important times. But if not now, when?
Rosie was very happy. The jug of pink glitter was pulled down from the top shelf. She painted all day, smiling the whole time. Rosie’s mother smiled too. For a moment, she could forget about her daughter being sick.
Rosie died at home three months later, at the age of seven. Afterwards, when Button went to visit the family, she noticed the artworks on the wall – Rosie’s pink, glittery handprints.
So, here is an idea. Take a moment to look around your house. Ask yourself – what are you saving for a “special occasion?” Maybe you have some nice candles, or fancy underwear. Or a bottle of champagne that is just sitting there and getting dusty. If you knew your time on Earth was short, maybe you would use those things now.
For Button, the lesson is this – we do not need to wait to enjoy things. Let’s enjoy life today. Burn that candle. Use the expensive dishes. Get out the pink glitter.
Blink 5 – Exercise: A life review
Through her work with people who are dying, Button has learned so many lessons. These include how important it is to connect with people, being honest with yourself and others, and living in the moment. She also helps the people she works with to get ready for a calm death. One way she does this is through special activities, which help people think about what is truly important.
These are activities that you can try yourself, right now. Even if death seems far away, you can learn a lot by thinking about things now. It helps you find out what is most important to you. Remember, living well helps us to die well.
Let’s look at a simple activity. It only needs a pen, paper, and a quiet place where you can sit and think. Remember the story we looked at earlier, about Button’s grandfather? Not long before he died, he enjoyed a special meal with his family. He ate his favorite food. What would that dinner look like for you?
Imagine that you are having a meal with the people who are most important to you. Picture their faces. Write down their names. Then, think about the other details – the feeling at the table; the lighting; the music that is playing; the food and drink. Write everything down carefully.
Now, imagine that this is the very last time you are going to see these people. In your mind, look at them one by one. Then ask yourself what you will miss about them. And what will you miss about your beautiful life?
After you have thought about this, think about one final question. How would you like to be remembered?
Thinking deeply about these questions helps you think about your life until now. It also helps you think about what you want for the future. What is most important in your life?
Blink 6 – Exercise: The final checklist
Let’s finish by looking at another important activity Button uses with her clients. She also uses it herself about once a month. She finds it helps her to feel fresh and clear. It’s called “the final checklist.”
While that might sound a bit scary, it’s a simple activity – six questions to think about. Instead of waiting until you are dying to think about these things, why not do it now?
So, here are the questions. Take your time, and think deeply about your answers.
Who matters most to you?
What matters most?
When you’re lying awake at night, what worries you?
During the day, what gives you joy?
What has been left unsaid?
And finally, what has been left undone?
Those are the questions – the final checklist. Think about what you feel. You might realize it’s time to contact someone – to say “sorry,” or “thank you,” or to tell them you love them. You might understand your worries better, and think about how to deal with them.
Sometimes, you may be left with things you cannot fix. There are some things in life that we cannot control. But remember, we can always choose how we react.
As you think about the things you cannot change, try asking yourself this question – what brings you comfort and peace? Knowing the answer can help you to feel good and calm, no matter what happens. Button’s belief is that we should all try our best to live well, and enjoy this valuable life.
Final summary
In this Blink to What Matters Most by Diane Button, you have learned that after her grandfather died, Button wanted to understand what makes life important. This would help people die calmly. Her study of older people who felt happy with their lives showed similar ideas: love, relationships, kindness, honesty, and sometimes beliefs about spirit.
By working with people at the end of their lives, Button has learned many important lessons. Floyd taught her how important it is to truly listen, and making others feel noticed. Roger showed how good it feels to talk honestly and let out feelings. And six-year-old Rosie taught her to enjoy today, and not save small joys for later.
Button offers easy exercises you can do – a ‘life review’, and a ‘final checklist’ with six questions to help you think about what is important. Her main message is: to die well, we must live well. Preparation for a good death can begin right now.
Okay, that’s it for this Blink. We hope you enjoyed it. If you can, please take the time to leave us a rating – we always appreciate your feedback. See you in the next Blink.
Source: https://www.blinkist.com/https://www.blinkist.com/en/books/what-matters-most-en