Author: Christina Calaminus
Christina Calaminus
Reading time: 16 minutes
Synopsis
30 Things You Don’t Have To Have Achieved By 30 (2025) helps many people, especially women, feel less pressure today. We look at expectations that people talk about and those they don’t. We show how happiness can be found without always meeting demands or trying to be perfect.
What’s in it for you: Relax more about expectations.
Turning 30 can feel serious. In your twenties, it was fine to spend summers at festivals. You could sleep on pallet beds. You could even brag about one-night stands. But when you turn 30, many people feel they need to get their life in order. You see friends buying houses in the countryside. They get married. They start businesses. They go to the gym regularly. On social media, this all looks like a show of success.
Many expectations come from outside. For example, your parents might want grandchildren. Or you might feel you need to save for retirement. We also put pressure on ourselves. We think: “I really should exercise more. I should live healthier. And look at my messy apartment again!”
The three friends from the podcast Dreißig say, “Stop it!” No one can meet all these demands! They only create stress. They make us change ourselves and become unhappy. So, here is an “anti-must-have” list. It shows things you don’t need to have achieved by 30.
Blink 1 – A Tidy Apartment Is Not A Must.
Katrin sits on her bed. She scrolls through TikTok. Next to her are two big baskets of clean laundry. They are overflowing with baby socks, underwear, and washcloths. Folding and putting it all away is a lot of work. So, Katrin keeps scrolling on the sofa. There, she cannot see the baskets.
Well, that’s her lazy side. Katrin does not feel grown up when it comes to tidying. How do others always find the motivation for housework? It never ends! She lacks the energy. Honestly, she also lacks the desire. The problem: Her place is very messy. Recently, during coffee with friends, some got very annoyed. Their husbands put rubbish on top of the full bin. Katrin said nothing. She does that too.
Cooking? She can do it, but not very well. Everything about it annoys her. She just doesn’t enjoy it. And then there’s this small detail. Women are somehow expected to be good at all these things. But if a man cannot cook or leaves his socks everywhere, it’s just seen as a bit annoying, but normal. It makes her really angry.
So she decided not to care anymore. She stopped feeling ashamed about it. Cleaning, shopping, and cooking are just not her thing. So, three times a week they eat pasta with ketchup. They eat at a table piled with advertising flyers and broken pens. Honestly: Nothing bad happens if the baseboards are dusty.
Katrin cannot finish everything anyway. So she no longer puts pressure on herself to always try. You can also take T-shirts directly from the laundry basket. You don’t have to pull them neatly folded from the wardrobe. And if someone doesn’t like how her home looks, she can meet them at a cafe or for a walk. Her friends know this. And now she also understands that it doesn’t make her a worse person. She is just not how people expect her to be.
Blink 2 – Having A Best Friend Is Not A Must.
When Clare was in primary school, she got a friendship book. All her classmates carefully wrote in it. They listed eye color, star sign, favorite food, best friend. She wrote two names in this space. This was because she had two best friends. They did everything together, the three of them. It was great. But one day, the two friends told her they wanted to play without her. Just like that. Then she understood: Three is a crowd.
Our whole life is set up around pairs, even from primary school. On school trips, two children always hold hands. Board duty is for two. Sports exercises are also for two. So, in secondary school, Clare fit into this system. She had only one best friend. This changed a bit in senior school. New people joined the year group. There were no longer separate classes. They didn’t have every subject together anymore. Clare realized that the label „best friend“ brings many expectations. If one friend does something outside of the „best friendship“, it feels like a threat. Being a best friend makes you vulnerable and exposed.
Still, many people carry this tradition into their adult lives. It’s not just a habit, but also an expectation. The best friend is the one you call in the middle of the night when you’re sad about love. She’s also the one you bring chicken soup to when she’s sick. What if one of them breaks these unspoken rules? Well, then you are probably not good friends. Then the special bond of best friends might break. This causes pressure. It’s almost like a romantic relationship. But breakups in relationships are somehow more normal than with best friends.
Because of this, Clare lives her adult life without a single „best friend“. She has many close friends. Each friendship is different. Each one gives her something different. But each of her friends knows that Clare is there for them, and vice versa. They know this without any special label.
Not having a best friend is not a weakness. It is a richness. And doesn’t the label „best friend“ make all other friends seem less important? It’s as if we have a limit for friendship. And only one person deserves the biggest share. That’s nonsense! Let’s grow up and leave this way of thinking behind.
Blink 3 – Having Really Good Sex Is Not A Must.
In novels, films, or TV shows, we always hear the same message. The main goal in life is to find true love. You should have a fulfilling relationship, and of course, great sex. But just like having a best friend is not a duty, you don’t need to have a steady partner. And if you do have one, please don’t stress about sex.
Sadly, the idea of one great and perfect love is still very strong. If you are single or in an unhappy relationship, people might think it’s your fault. They think that if you are lovable, you will find perfect love easily. This myth also includes sex. If a couple finds each other, the sex is magical and lasts forever. People who love each other also find each other attractive. They fall asleep every night in a close embrace.
Well, most people realize that real life is a bit different. This is completely normal. But we still make ourselves unhappy about it. Also, it’s hard for us to talk about sex. This makes things worse. Besides our own expectations, we also have those we think our partner has. It’s quite complicated!
Christina also thought this at some point. She has been with her partner for over ten years. Naturally, they have sex less often and less wildly. She Googled it. Once a week is the average for couples who have been together for a long time. For her, it’s more like once a month. What’s wrong with her? The answer: Nothing. Everything is fine with Christina.
But she had to realize this first. Before that, for some years, she forced herself to have sex. She didn’t really want to. She thought: “Come on, once you start, it will be fun. Just get yourself going!” However, she later learned that this behavior is part of the traditional image of women. In this view, the female partner is responsible for the household and children. But also for the man’s sexual desire. Phew… not very exciting.
So she sat down with her partner. They talked openly about their sex life. Yes, you have to push yourself to do it. But guess what? Her partner felt the same way. Clearly, two people had found each other who don’t need sex to be happy. Since then, it happens sometimes when they both feel like it. And quite often, it just doesn’t happen. Following the motto: Anything is possible, nothing is a must.
Blink 4 – Sports Is Not A Must.
Everyone knows this: Sports are good for your health and mind. They help with stress. They make you slim and attractive. They connect us with friends. But it also means: Anyone who does not do sports has a problem. This is probably why it feels like every second video on social media shows people doing sports. Too bad if you don’t like sports. Like Katrin, she hates sports. She is very bad at all sports. As soon as a ball comes near her, something breaks.
Sadly, sports are quite present in her life. During a relaxed afternoon at the lake, it’s only a matter of time. Someone will take out a volleyball. Friends want to meet again in the evening? They prefer to go bowling. Once, Katrin even let herself be persuaded to go on a ski holiday. The result was three expensive days. She spent them on the beginner’s slope, feeling scared, frustrated, and in pain. She didn’t even join for après-ski. She probably wouldn’t have survived the last dark slope anyway.
Another thing that annoys Katrin about sports: It is mostly male-dominated. We are not just talking about professional football. We mean everyday life. Let’s look at sports clubs. Only 36 percent of members in their thirties are women. One reason is that they simply don’t have much time besides care work. Also, sports are often quite competitive. And men are bigger, stronger, and faster than women. Even in team sports, this matters. Who wants to be the one who constantly misses shots in basketball? Who wants to make sure their own team has no chance? Even if it’s officially just a game, it’s still annoying.
The fact is: Sports are fun, but not for everyone. Katrin is good at other things. For example, knitting or crocheting. No one can teach her anything there. But when do people meet for a cozy crocheting evening?
Katrin has tried countless sports. She was bad at all of them. Now she has stopped trying to be sporty. She just isn’t. So what?
Blink 5 – Enjoying Your Job Is Not A Must.
The typical image of a successful 30-year-old is quite broad. She has a house, a car, a husband, a child. And of course, a job where she is not only good but also has fun. On social media, it’s clear: If you have your life in order by 30, you’ve started a company selling fair-trade baby clothes. Or you work as a travel blogger in the coolest places in the world. Or you write a successful book about unfair expectations with your two very good friends.
But jokes aside: Even the three authors did not find their dream job right away. When Katrin was 30, she worked as a journalist. This was her dream. She had thought of it when she finished high school. She wanted to fly around like Karla Kolumna. She wanted to uncover scandals. She wanted to host TV shows with professional makeup. So she did internships. She studied journalism. She trained as an editor. And finally, she actually made it: a freelance journalist with a good income.
Great! But sadly, she didn’t enjoy it. The glamour quickly wore off. She worked in shifts. And she got a lot of hate online because she was on media. But admitting she was unhappy? That was not easy. And what was the alternative? Aren’t all jobs annoying sometimes? She had invested so much to get where she was. How frustrated did she need to be to change something?
Many people experience such a phase in their early thirties. We choose a career path quite early. But we change while we are training, studying, finding partners (or not), and maybe starting a family. So it’s not surprising to end up in a job we once wanted. Then we find out it’s not the right fit after all. That is completely normal. It doesn’t make you a loser.
Sadly, changing careers is still often seen as a bad thing. People might say: “She doesn’t have endurance.” Or “She takes the easy way out.” This is also linked to our parents’ generation. Back then, security was much more important. It was common to stay in the same job or company for life. But the world has changed. Today we have more opportunities. And there are no longer any certainties anyway.
So what could you do if you don’t enjoy your job? Be brave and start new! If you don’t dare, that’s okay too. A job that pays your rent is still something good. You don’t have to be completely excited about it.
Katrin was brave. At some point, she was so fed up with being a journalist. She took the leap. Today, she has a business consultancy and a podcast with two friends. And they wrote this book together. If she can do that, you can too. But you don’t have to.
Conclusion
You don’t have to do anything at all. But you can do a lot. Expectations from others can push us in the right direction. But they can also be very annoying. They can create pressure and make us unhappy. So, the best plan is to think about these expectations. Say them out loud. Then decide which ones come from you. Decide which ones are good for you. And decide which ones you will simply ignore. Because one thing is clear: You are responsible for your own happiness.
Source: https://www.blinkist.com/https://www.blinkist.com/de/books/30-dinge-die-du-mit-30-nicht-erreicht-haben-musst-de