Author: Chade-Meng Tan
_Chade-Meng Tan_
Reading time: 20 minutes
Synopsis
Search Inside Yourself (2012) explains why emotional intelligence is very important, even at work. Chade-Meng Tan combines ideas from brain science and psychology with ancient meditation techniques. The result is a practical guide with clear ideas and exercises about mindfulness, empathy, and emotional intelligence.
What you will learn: Understand why emotional intelligence makes you happy and successful.
What makes people successful? Talent, hard work, discipline? All these things help, for sure. But there is another key to success. You cannot learn it in business school. You also cannot show it with numbers. It is emotional intelligence. This means understanding yourself and other people better.
Chade-Meng Tan was the 107th employee at Google. He was one of their first engineers. His job title was “Jolly Good Fellow”. He got this name because he started the first mindfulness training at Google. He believed that emotional intelligence is very important for both private life and work. Mindfulness and compassion help our relationships with others. You can actively practice both skills. This started as an internal course at Google. Later, it became a worldwide bestseller. In this summary, we look at his ideas. They show how you can become calmer, more creative, and more successful. You can do this through meditation, self-awareness, and clear thinking.
Blink 1 – What is Emotional Intelligence?
When we talk about intelligence, most people think of IQ scores. Or they think of being very good at solving problems or speaking well. But in the 1980s, Harvard psychologist Howard Gardner said there is not just one type of intelligence. He said there are many. For example, a child might struggle with math. But if they are good at music or creative with words, they should also be called intelligent.
Gardner spoke about intrapersonal and interpersonal intelligence. Intrapersonal intelligence means knowing your own feelings, values, and goals. Interpersonal intelligence means knowing the feelings, needs, and reasons of other people. Together, these two forms create what we now call emotional intelligence. This is the ability to see and understand emotions in yourself and others. It is also the ability to use this understanding to guide your thoughts and actions.
Later, psychologist Daniel Goleman broke this ability down into five main skills:
- Self-awareness: knowing your own feelings, what you like, what you have, and your gut feeling.
- Self-regulation: being able to control your own urges, feelings, and reactions.
- Motivation: the strength to focus on your goals and work towards them.
- Empathy: being sensitive enough to see other people’s feelings and needs.
- Social skills: being able to build relationships with others and influence them.
So, what are the benefits of emotional intelligence? In your private, personal life, it is quite clear: Emotional intelligence helps us deal with ourselves and others carefully and calmly. The more we notice feelings and needs, the better we can take care of ourselves. We can also connect with others in a real way.
The example of Bill Duane shows how this also helps at work. Bill was a main engineer at Google. One day, he took a course on emotional intelligence. He learned that he did not have enough time for himself. He cut his work week to four days. This gave him more time to rest and relax. Soon, he felt more focused, more understanding, and calmer. He also learned to control his feelings better, listen more, and handle problems in a better way. All this made him a more balanced person and manager.
So, emotional intelligence is not just a vague, mysterious idea. It is a skill you can measure and actively practice. We will show you how to do this in the next parts.
Blink 2 – Emotional Intelligence has clear benefits at work.
Now we know what emotional intelligence means. But what exactly can it do at work? And can you really “train” emotional intelligence?
Old-style bosses might not connect emotional intelligence with “performance” or work results. But now, many studies show that it does. Emotional intelligence helps us manage stress. It helps us deal with problems well and keep ourselves motivated. In the first section, we saw that Goleman listed self-motivation as one of the five key skills of emotional intelligence. This part is very important.
People who can motivate themselves well approach work projects with more hope. US psychologist Martin Seligman studied this in the 1980s. His study with insurance salespeople showed that being hopeful and being successful at work are linked. Hopeful salespeople sold 8% more policies in their first year than those who were less hopeful. In the second year, they sold a huge 31% more. Seligman’s conclusion: People who think positively stay motivated even in tough times. This greatly increases their chances of success.
But emotional intelligence does not just improve single performance. It also improves leadership skills. A good example is Gerald Grinstein, the former CEO of Delta Airlines. The company had to cut many costs. Grinstein was strict but also kind. His interpersonal intelligence especially helped him keep his employees motivated and loyal during that hard time. His honest talks made things clear. They kept trust high, even with big cuts.
And yes, you can actually train emotional intelligence. Think about Ebenezer Scrooge from Charles Dickens’ Christmas Carol. At first, Scrooge was not very caring. He was lonely, unhappy, and bitter, even though he was rich. Only after meeting the three Christmas ghosts did he start to think about himself. This experience helped him find more compassion, thankfulness, and inner peace.
But how can you use this story in your own life? In the next section, we will look at real ways you can train your emotional intelligence.
Blink 3 – You can practice attention.
Yes, you can train emotional intelligence. This training starts with meditation. Many people talk about it today, but it still seems a bit mysterious. Meditation is simply training for your mind. It includes many different exercises. Think of a gym: You don’t just train one part of your body. You train many different muscle groups. In the same way, you can use different types of meditation to focus on certain parts of your mind.
You can best train emotional intelligence with mindfulness exercises. Here, you want to improve two skills: attention and meta-attention. In the late 1800s, psychologist William James said attention is the ability to “take mental possession of something, in a clear and vivid form”. Meta-attention means “attention to attention”. It is being aware if you are focused or if your mind is wandering.
Imagine it like riding a bike. You constantly make small changes with your handlebars and body to stay balanced. Something similar happens when you train your attention. As soon as you notice your thoughts wander, you gently bring them back. You make a small mental adjustment. In this way, you learn to stay focused for longer periods over time.
Also, mindfulness brings inner peace. Imagine a bucket of water with stirred-up dirt. As long as you keep stirring the water, it stays cloudy. Only when you let it rest, the dirt settles, and the water becomes clear. It is the same with our mind. If you actively take time to let your thoughts settle down, your stress level can drop. This helps you feel mentally clear. Mindfulness expert Alan Wallace even calls this our mind’s “default setting”. In silence, your mind returns to its peaceful and happy original state.
You don’t need complicated methods for this. Sit comfortably, so you are relaxed but awake. Breathe in and out slowly and deeply three times. Then, let your breath flow naturally. Follow your breath: Notice its rhythm. Feel your stomach rise and fall. Or feel the gentle airflow at your nostrils. Whenever you notice your mind wandering, gently bring your attention back. Just ten minutes a day is enough to clearly sharpen your awareness. This strengthens the foundation of emotional intelligence.
Blink 4 – Inner balance starts with self-awareness.
Buddhist meditation master Mingyur Rinpoche once said, “If you can see the angry river, you have already begun to rise above it.” For our inner world, this means: As soon as you see an emotion for what it is, you are no longer powerless against it.
Start by improving your self-awareness. Psychologists Cary Cherniss and Robert Kaplan studied how this skill leads to success at work. They worked with financial advisors from American Express during an emotional awareness training. The advisors learned to notice harmful self-talk. This is the inner voice that speaks badly to us, creates doubts, and fuels negative stories. Just noticing this mean self-talk helped the advisors act calmer and more confident. The result was better advice, happier customers – and higher sales.
The advisors also became aware of how they reacted to stressful situations. They saw how much mindfulness exercises helped them handle stress. They learned to calm themselves during stress. They became more focused, stronger, and more productive. The brain science explanation for this effect is: Self-awareness activates the neocortex. This is our “thinking brain”. This part helps us think about emotional urges, instead of just following them. If your boss criticizes you, your first thought might be to get angry back. But your neocortex checks the situation. It tells you to breathe first. Then, it tells you to listen to the feedback and think about it calmly. This changes a quick defensive reaction into useful learning.
Self-awareness and understanding also build your self-confidence. The author himself is a good example of this. He was going to speak at the World Peace Festival in Berlin. Just before his talk, he suddenly felt very nervous. He did a short meditation. He reminded himself of his strengths and weaknesses: his great experience using mindfulness in work. His ability to create a nice and cheerful atmosphere. Also, his tendency to hesitate when speaking English. He focused on his breath. He noticed his feelings and smiled. This helped him stay present and calm. He then gave a calm and confident presentation.
Blink 5 – Inner motivation lasts longer than outer motivation.
Some bosses still believe that employees do their best work mainly because of outer rewards. These can be money, fancy titles, or nice company cars. But more and more studies show that inner motivators work better and for longer. Things like purpose, passion, and feeling part of a community motivate people much more in the long run than any bonus.
Tony Hsieh, the founder and CEO of online shoe store Zappos, was a good example. He built his company into a billion-dollar business with the motto Delivering Happiness. His secret to success was a company culture that focused on the well-being of its employees. The idea was: Happy employees are also motivated and caring towards customers. This also increases success.
According to Hsieh, there are three main things that make people feel good at work: pleasure, passion, and a higher purpose. By pleasure, Hsieh means short bursts of good feelings. You get these from outside praise, a promotion, or a bonus payment. This motivates you, but it does not last long.
The second source is passion. When you truly enjoy your task, you enter the famous “flow state” of full focus. People feel this in many different activities: during surgery, writing, gardening, or meditating. Passion takes you much further than just pleasure.
The third and deepest form of happiness comes from purpose. When you work on something bigger than yourself, your activity becomes its own reward. Then, your daily work can truly bring a feeling of real happiness and fulfillment. A great example is Zen teacher and poet Norman Fischer. He often works more than managers in Silicon Valley. But he does not see his work as labor. He sees it as living his purpose. He says he has not worked a single day in his life.
So, work can be more than just effort and duty. If it matches our values, it can truly be a source of joy and meaning.
Blink 6 – Exercises for Compassion.
If you want to draw or play piano better, you need to practice. The same is true for empathy. This practice pays off. When you show real compassion to others, you build trust. You also make personal bonds stronger, both in private life and at work.
The author describes a simple but strong and effective exercise. He listened carefully to his practice partner as she spoke about her feelings. Afterward, he tried to reflect her emotions using his own words. The woman was moved to tears. She said she had not felt so understood in a long time.
Empathy can also help solve conflicts. Here, the author talks about his difficult relationship with a new boss named Eric. But instead of letting the tension grow, he talked to Eric. They told each other personal stories. They also talked about their values and goals. By the end of this talk, they understood each other much better. So, initial anger turned into mutual respect.
If you want to show more empathy to someone, you can actively practice compassion. Here are two proven exercises: The “Just Like Me” meditation and the “Loving-Kindness” meditation.
In the “Just Like Me” exercise, you purposefully put yourself in the other person’s shoes. You remember that this person also just wants to be happy and loved. Just like you.
In the Loving-Kindness meditation, you send kind thoughts to the person in your mind. These are good things like happiness, health, or inner peace.
Both exercises help to soften resistance and open your heart. You consciously take on a different, more open point of view. Over time, you will notice: The more compassion you develop, the easier it will be to understand yourself and others.
Blink 7 – The search for happiness starts within yourself.
Have you ever been told to be more selfish and take what you deserve with more courage? Forget that advice. Especially if you want to be a successful leader.
In reality, employees work harder on their own when they like their bosses. Leadership experts Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner studied for years what makes successful managers different from average ones. Their finding: kindness and compassion towards their staff. The best leaders are not afraid to build close relationships with their teams. They are also not afraid to admit mistakes and share their thoughts.
But how exactly does empathy lead to success? Caring leaders truly want their employees to do well. They listen to them and work to help them with their problems. Bestselling author Jim Collins studied the secrets of hundreds of big US companies between 1965 and 1995. He also found that successful companies are run by emotionally intelligent male and female bosses. These leaders practice humility. They treat their staff mindfully. And they truly want to make the world at least a little bit better.
Empathy is catchy. Psychologist Paul Ekman once experienced this. Today, he is known for his research on emotional intelligence and facial expressions. Ekman had a tough childhood. As an adult, he had trouble dealing with his anger. In 2000, he met the Dalai Lama at a conference. During a talk, the Buddhist leader took his hand and held it for a long time. This simple gesture had a lasting effect on Ekman. He felt love and warmth flow through him. Both his anger and his view of the world changed. Since that experience, Ekman has passionately studied emotional closeness, compassion, and selflessness.
His story is a good example that the search for happiness and fulfillment starts within us.
Summary
Emotional intelligence is not just a passing trend. It is about your inner attitude and how you see life. You can learn to notice yourself and others more consciously. You can do this with clarity, empathy, and compassion. You can learn to understand your emotions better and control them more consciously. The more mindful you are of yourself and your needs, the more open you will be towards other people. This also affects social interactions at work. If you are connected to yourself and take responsibility for your feelings, you don’t need power games to lead others. The path to more success, calmness, and happiness does not start outside. It starts within you.
Source: https://www.blinkist.com/https://www.blinkist.com/de/books/search-inside-yourself-de