Author: Yasmine M’Barek
Yasmine M’Barek
Reading time: 17 minutes
Synopsis
I feel you (2025) is a collection of five essays. They explore what empathy means today. We look at pop culture, the internet, and our own feelings. This helps us find out why real compassion is getting harder. But it also shows why it’s still good to try and understand other people sometimes.
What You’ll Find Inside: Thoughts on Empathy in the Digital Age.
Most of our lives now happen online. This is a place with ‘shitstorms’, quick likes, and filter bubbles. Our attention spans are very short, like a goldfish’s. These things change how we live together. This affects our real lives. Many people talk about society being divided. And many people feel lonely. These are just some of the results.
And what about you? Do you still take time to understand people? Do you look at why things happen and accept that things are not always black and white? Or do you quickly judge others when you don’t like something about them?
In I feel you, Yasmine M’Barek looks at empathy in five essays. You might see yourself in them. First, we go to a yoga studio. Then, we enjoy a Dua Lipa concert. After that, we talk a little with Nazis. All these are great chances to look closely at how our minds react.
Blink 1 – Bitch or Not a Bitch?
A nice yoga studio in a cool part of town. The class is about to start. You pull at your leggings because they are a bit too tight. Then you see her. She checks herself in the mirror. She smooths her perfect hair and moves her Stanley Cup closer to the wall. Then, her perfect body slides into a cross-legged position. When she looks at you, she has a look of contempt. Then the class begins.
You know this feeling, right? You see someone, you have a small interaction, and boom – you put a label on them: Bitch! This often happens with people we find desirable. And, guess what, it says more about us than about the other person. We make these judgments automatically. But if we take a step back, we see how silly it is. Maybe she didn’t look at you with contempt. Maybe she just has a ‘resting bitch face’? Or maybe she’s tired? Or she can’t see well and didn’t even notice you? You don’t know.
Body positivity has been growing for years. But we still often judge people by how good or bad they look. Since childhood, we are taught to judge people by their looks. Disney movies are a good example. Beautiful Cinderella is good and innocent. Her ugly stepmother is mean and bad. Makes sense, right? Of course not. Just because the stepmother looks like a scary witch does not mean she has no feelings. She probably even has a reason for being the way she is.
The point is: you must want empathy, and you can learn to have it. It is free. Nobody stops you from going to the ‘yoga bitch’ after class. She might just be a regular person doing yoga. You could ask her if she comes often and if she liked the class. And then you both live happily ever after.
The problem is that you need energy, attention, and goodwill for this. And these things are a luxury today. We are always hearing bad news. Social media is full of anger and outrage. Our social energy is used up. The ‘yoga bitch’ pays the price for this, but so do you. Because constant attacks make us tired. After a while, we see every interaction as a personal attack.
How do we get out of this? Well, just seeing the situation as it is, is a good start.
Blink 2 – Empathy in the Age of Capitalism
Yasmine M’Barek cares a lot about older people. She gets emotional when she sees grandmas or grandpas, especially if they are having a hard time. The TikTok algorithm noticed this. It often shows her videos that make her feel this way. For example: “This old man has to eat all alone.” This makes people emotional. Below the video, there are many comments with crying faces, broken hearts, and pity.
And just like that, an ad appears, and a small bit of money changes hands. Capitalism has found empathy. We can’t escape this. It’s all about ‘realness’, calls for donations, requests for support, and emotional clickbait. So, the question is: can we really be empathetic in a capitalist world?
We are all in a difficult situation. Our parents taught us to understand and feel with others. Empathy is what holds our society together. But on the internet, we are flooded with content that asks for pity. It’s not to help the people shown. It’s so we click here, buy this, and then watch the next video. Our empathy is used and sent in the wrong direction.
Over time, this makes us tired. We become tired for times when our caring attention could really make a difference. For example, many people in Gaza and the West Bank use social media. It is one of the very few ways they can earn money. TikTok pays money through a special program. So, many short videos show hungry and sad families. They ask you to watch their video to the end. This helps them get attention and money. If you scroll past these, you might feel like a bad person.
But this brings up a question: Do capitalism and algorithms turn us all into ‘feeling cows’? Are we being ‘milked’ for tiny amounts of money?
On the other hand, content about empathy shows that many people want understanding, community, and peace. And many people need our support. For example, thirteen million people in Germany alone live below the poverty line. So, maybe we can say something good about emotional clickbait. Videos that want to create pity are better than videos that make us angry. And maybe such content makes us more tired, but also softer.
Blink 3 – Should We Talk to Nazis?
Empathy for the lonely grandpa comes naturally. For the ‘yoga bitch’, we have to try harder. And this leads us to the uncomfortable heart of the matter: Empathy is only truly valuable when we give it to someone we really dislike. Like Nazis, for example. Yes, it’s a difficult topic.
Many on the left agree that we should not give Nazis a platform. They say it shifts public discussion. The problem is: Nazis exist even if we don’t give them a platform. And they continue to become more extreme. They are looking for followers. If we don’t talk to them, they will talk to people who are easily influenced.
This is a good chance to look at empathy in a more detailed way. There is emotional empathy. With this, we fully connect with the other person. But there is also cognitive empathy. This allows us to understand why someone acts the way they do, without agreeing with their views. This is the right way to deal with Nazis. We should try to understand why many people are so angry. We should also understand why they so badly need someone to hate.
So, how did the AfD become so big? We know the answer: Basic issues like rent, wages, or climate are being made more about money and politics. But they should just be the simple foundations of life. People are afraid that their washing machine will break or that they cannot pay their heating bill. At the same time, they see that main political parties don’t care much. In this situation, foreigners and people who think differently become easy scapegoats. This is because it is easy not to feel empathy for people who are different. And so the cycle continues.
It is not easy to break this cycle and show empathy to hateful people. But reacting with more hate does not make the situation better. Empathy means understanding that your feelings are not the only important ones. From politics, far-right groups – often called the ‘left behind’ in society – cannot expect sympathy. They are only told to vote in a certain way. And a society that is focused on individuals and lacks empathy helps extreme ideas to grow.
Of course, you don’t have to shake hands with every AfD voter now and ask about their childhood problems. But you can understand that every Nazi has gone through a process of becoming extreme. And that there are social reasons that lead to this path. The good thing is: we can work on these reasons. Loneliness, a lack of hope for the future, and the need for approval are points you can focus on if you want to understand what is happening.
Blink 4 – Not Enough Good Criticism
When we talk about a lack of empathy, we should also look at the opposite: complete obsession. Yasmine M’Barek is a fan of Dua Lipa. She is actually a real superfan. She knows everything about the star and listens to her music all the time. She is completely uncritical; she loves everything. This doesn’t bother her at all. It’s just a childlike and innocent kind of total excitement. But on the internet, this kind of complete devotion can be tricky. Some stars are praised no matter what they do. Others are pushed down and get lots of hate. This also happens to M’Barek. Miley Cyrus’s new song? Hate!
It seems that strong worship and complete disgust have recently won over the “yes, but…” group. We see this in how critics in the media work. Whether it’s about books, movies, or people – everything is made more extreme today. It has to be: If you want to share your opinion on a cultural thing in a 60-second video, you don’t have time for deep analysis. So, on social media today, everything is either really great or totally awful.
This is a shame, not just because it’s so simple. It’s also because criticism loses one of its most important jobs. Normally, it also helps others to improve and learn from their mistakes. What used to be useful feedback is now just a way to quickly shout out your first feeling. This shows which group you belong to. “Are you a Dua Lipa fan? Cool, me too!”
One result of this is that the opinion of the majority wins. This is especially true for art, where you can hardly prove criticism scientifically. If you have a different opinion, you get fewer likes. The algorithm pushes you aside. If you like things that are not popular, you only find your community online in small and specific places. Everywhere else, you keep quiet about your unusual tastes.
We should take more time for deep criticism again. This also helps us avoid all seeing and hearing the same boring things. And guess what we need for this? Empathy – for both the artists and the audience. And empathy simply doesn’t fit into short videos.
Blink 5 – Three Cheers for Gossip!
In the last part, we make a bold claim: Gossiping is cool! What?!
Talking badly about others is seen as very wrong. You could compare it a bit to party drugs: they are a lot of fun, but they are forbidden, and afterwards you usually feel bad. Let’s look at this more closely.
You have surely noticed this yourself: a really good piece of gossip is just exciting. “You won’t believe what I heard about XY!” is a way to start a conversation that makes many people listen closely and their heart rates go up. There are several reasons for this, and they are deeply part of our nature.
Firstly, from a very old point of view, we are programmed to know the people around us as well as possible. Knowing what to expect from others helps us survive better. Secrets are especially valuable in this way. Secondly, we really want to belong and connect with others. And that works best by doing something a bit forbidden together, sharing a secret, and having the same opinion.
It is important to tell the difference between gossip and rumors. With gossip, we tell each other something quietly that not everyone knows. This can even have a kind and caring reason. Rumors, however, are usually started to hurt someone.
And what about those who become the target of gossip? False and mean rumors can hurt and cause real damage, no question. But with harmless gossip, there is a saying for journalists: any news is good news! If people talk about you, it shows that they are interested in you. Just see it as a chance to find out who you really want to like you and who you don’t care about.
But where is the empathy in this? The funny thing is: Gossip needs empathy and emotional intelligence to work at all. After all, we must understand what we hear to know what is happening to others. This is why when we gossip, we automatically use our compassion. We analyze society, change our point of view, and are open to other opinions. Plus, we create a social bond with our gossip friends. If it’s also fun – why not?
Conclusion
One thing has become clear: when it comes to empathy, we all need to look at ourselves. Before we expect understanding from others, we should first offer it ourselves.
This doesn’t happen on its own. We have to train it like a muscle. But it’s worth continuing, because without empathy, it quickly gets cold out there, no matter how bright your phone screen shines.
In the end, empathy is a bit like love: it is hard, unpredictable, and yet it is the only thing that holds everything together.
Source: https://www.blinkist.com/https://www.blinkist.com/de/books/i-feel-you-en