Author: Sigrun Dahmer
_Sigrun Dahmer_
Reading time: 15 minutes
Synopsis
Communication Hacks (2020) gives you an overview of what good communication looks like. You will learn some basic ideas. You will also get tips on how to start conversations, lead meetings, and give speeches.
What’s in it for you: The basics of good communication.
Communication is perhaps the most important topic of all. Without it, there would be no topics. For example, some people find it easy to speak in front of many people. Others find it easy to chat with someone. But for some, it is hard. It is true that some people are naturally good at this. Some speakers can really excite their audience. Some writers make their readers laugh out loud and cry. But talent is not everything. You can also learn to communicate well. This is true, especially if you often have misunderstandings. Or if you find it hard to convince others of your ideas. If this happens, it is useful to learn more about communication.
Ideally, you need to understand how communication works. This is what the first part of this summary is about. In the second part, we will look closely at special situations. You will learn how to start conversations with others. You will also learn how to lead good meetings. And you will learn how to give speeches without fear.
Summary 1 – Communication is about how we understand things.
It could be so simple. You have a message and want to tell someone, for example: “We meet next Monday at nine o’clock in the office.” But if you tell three people, they might understand three different things. The first person thinks you mean Monday in ten days. The second person did not listen well and thinks of something else. And the third person is suddenly angry with you for some reason. Why does this happen?
No matter how simple the message, there is always a chance for misunderstandings. This is because everyone sees the world around them differently. The information we get in our brains is not complete or fair. Instead, our subconscious mind chooses what seems important to us. Then it understands it in a way that fits our own view of the world. Psychologists and sociologists call this Constructivism: Everyone builds their own reality. So, you cannot know what someone else is thinking.
This is clear if you ask two people why they are fighting. Both will tell you different reasons. And by chance, the other person is always to blame. This is because they understood the same situation differently.
The only way out of this problem has two steps
- Get to know the other person as well as you can. Understand how to best talk to them.
- Ask if your message was understood well. Ask the other person to say it back in their own words.
Also, you should know that a message has more than just words you say or write. The words sent from one person to another are just the tip of the iceberg. Much more is hidden under the surface. For example, the relationship level. Every message about content also says something about the relationship between the people talking. There is a lot of room for different understandings here.
Let’s take the simple example from before: „We meet next Monday at nine o’clock in the office.“ This message can also mean something about the relationship. For example, it could mean you can give orders to the other person. Or the other person might not see the invite as neutral information. They might see it as a hidden criticism: „Aha, he says that because he thinks I am always late on Mondays!“ As you see: the same words, but a totally different message about the relationship.
Summary 2 – The way you communicate must fit the method and the person.
To communicate well, you need to adjust to the other person. This means you also need to change how you speak. Of course, you both need to speak the same language, like German or Spanish. But this idea goes much deeper. For example, you can use special words when talking to professors. But you should not do this when talking to a child. Most people do this naturally, but not always enough. Also, think about your relationship with that person. For example, if you use long, complex sentences and speak very formally, you might seem distant. You might even seem proud. So, depending on the talk, your way of speaking might work against what you want to achieve.
Also, remember that different ways of communicating can cause different problems. Talking face-to-face is almost always the easiest. You can hear the other person’s voice. You also see their face, body language, and gestures. This helps you understand them better. If you are not sure if you will get along with someone, this is often the best choice. On the other hand, a face-to-face talk also means you are more committed. For example, in a phone call, if you feel you caught the other person at a bad time, you can end the call early. You can do this without upsetting them. This is often not possible in a personal meeting.
What about style and manners in business communication? When should you write „Dear Mr. Bauer“? And when is a simple „Hi“ with a smiley okay? Generally, in business, it’s always better to be a little too formal than too casual. For example, it’s easy to offer to use „Du“ (the informal ‘you’). But if you contact a formal company and use „Du“ with someone directly, it can be quite embarrassing. This is especially true if you later find out that even colleagues there use „Sie“ (the formal ‘you’) with each other.
Also, it’s always good to show self-control and care when it comes to style and correctness. Always take time to correct your emails, text messages, or letters carefully. Make sure to write them in a friendly way.
Summary 3 – How do you best talk to someone you don’t know?
That’s about the basics. Now let’s look at specific situations that many people find hard. Number one: Go up to a stranger and talk to them. Just thinking about it makes some people panic. But with some knowledge and practice, it will become easy for everyone, we promise.
When someone sees you for the first time, they judge you not by your words. They judge you mainly by how you look. This is because your subconscious mind creates this first impression, not your conscious mind. The subconscious mind is much faster than our conscious thoughts.
Many things are part of this judgment. They are all in the hidden part of the iceberg we talked about. The other person will judge your clothes, your movements, your facial expressions, and your body language. They will do this before you even say a word.
So, you must not forget these things if you want to talk to people. Dress how you want to be seen. In business, it is almost always better to be a little overdressed than underdressed. If you want the other person to see you as skilled in your field, wear clothes that fit your job. If not, people will not see you as an expert.
In general, you can relax. If you are well-dressed and friendly when you approach people, what you say is not so important.
To make a good impression, always take some time for small talk when you meet new people. Small talk is often underestimated. But it is very important for connecting with others. So, don’t just start with a serious topic. Take a few minutes to talk about your journey. Or ask a friendly question that is not about what you need.
A good trick for a first talk is to use the other person’s name, if you know it. This helps you build a personal link. It also helps you remember their name. When you meet someone new, be careful with irony and humor. You don’t yet know how the other person thinks. It can quickly lead to disagreements. Especially if the person you are talking to comes from a different culture, don’t be too challenging. Also, forgive some behaviors that might not be well-received where you live.
Summary 4 – How to lead meetings well?
New employees often feel helpless when they have to organize a meeting or a conference. They are often nervous and scared. They worry about losing control or not looking good. But with the right plan and mindset, anyone can learn to lead meetings confidently and professionally.
Leading a meeting is a real challenge. This is mainly because group behavior is often hard to predict. On the other hand, this role gives you a chance to change things. You can also become more visible in the company. Even if things get wild, good preparation can make you feel safer. It can help you stay calm in that specific situation.
The more time you have to prepare, the better. Ideally, you can talk with the most important attendees beforehand. You can find out how they feel about the topic. This way, you can better guess what to expect on the day. You will also know how people might react.
Also, use your prep time to set a clear structure for the meeting. This will help you manage it. Take time to make a good agenda. Send it to all attendees. Plan specific times for open talks and enough breaks. Also, remember to set a clear end time for the meeting. Almost nothing is worse than a meeting that just ends without a clear finish. Everyone wonders if they can leave or if something else will happen. It’s better to set clear priorities. Discuss only a few points rather than trying to fit everything into one day or one session. Ideally, refer to the agenda often during the meeting. This way, attendees always know where you are in the schedule. Choose a meeting place where everyone feels good. This alone will help attendees feel more positive.
Finally, just before the meeting, remind yourself that the attendees are not your enemies. You are all working towards a common goal. This knowledge, and knowing you are well-prepared, will help you lead the meeting easily and naturally.
Summary 5 – How to give speeches without fear?
For many, giving a speech to many people is a terrifying idea. Everyone is looking at you. You could hear a pin drop. All the responsibility for the next few minutes is on you. Just thinking about it makes many people break into a cold sweat.
But even for this top skill in communication, there are ways to feel more confident. Like with meetings, preparation is key here too. First, you should get to know your audience better. You can be more relaxed when speaking to high school graduates. But you should be more formal when presenting to a company board. So, spend some time finding out who will be listening to you.
Now, for perhaps the most effective step you can take to shine on stage: Film yourself giving your speech. Once you have finished it, pretend you are really on stage. Record yourself with your phone. You will be surprised by what you see. Most of us have habits or even tics that we don’t notice ourselves. But they are clear to see on a video. Maybe you nervously rock on your toes? Or make restless movements? Or do you hide so scared behind the podium that people can barely see you? You can learn to stop these behaviors once you are aware of them.
Also, you should never write out your whole speech and just read it. This might seem tempting because it appears to give you confidence. But you can be „sure“ that you will lose most of your audience in the first few minutes if you read. Instead, make index cards with single bullet points. You can use these to guide you. You should definitely number these cards. If you drop them by accident and don’t know what comes next, it can make you lose your place.
And if you ever have a blackout, there’s a simple emergency plan. It turns a problem into a good thing: Just sum up what you have said so far. We often forget to do this anyway. A summary helps bring back listeners who have lost focus or lost track. And for you, the summary acts like a launchpad for new ideas. If you remember where you are in your speech, you will also remember what point you wanted to make next.
Conclusion
This brings us to the end of our summary. The communication expert Paul Watzlawick once said that we cannot not communicate. There is truth in that. Even when you are silent, your silence contains many messages. These messages offer endless ways to be understood.
We hope this summary has helped you understand communication better and its difficulties. Perhaps in the future, you can avoid some misunderstandings. You can also get your messages across better. In the best case, even harder talks will soon be fun for you. Because basically, communication is just a common social game. Sometimes there are winners and losers. But the most important thing is to have a good time.
Thank you for joining us. See you next time!
Source: https://www.blinkist.com/https://www.blinkist.com/de/books/kommunikations-hacks-de