Author: Karin Kuschik
_Karin Kuschik_
Reading time: 20 minutes
Synopsis
Karin Kuschik can do magic. She has a special question for every unpleasant, annoying, or painful situation. This question quickly turns things around completely. It helps you see the positive side again. In 50 Questions That Make Life Easier (2025), you will learn how this works.
What’s in it for you: Magic ways out of bad situations.
A rumor spreads in the forest: The bear has a death list! Everyone on it dies! First, the deer bravely asks. He asks the bear: “Is the list real? Am I on it?” The bear just says: “Yes.” Three days later, the deer lies dead under a tree. A bit later, the wild boar can’t take it anymore. “Bear, am I on your list too?” “Yes.” And guess what, soon after, the wild boar is dead. Then the rabbit appears: “Bear! Am I on your famous death list too?” Again, the bear says yes. And what does the rabbit say? “Can you maybe cross me off?” The bear looks a bit confused, then says: “Uh, yes, no problem.”
What’s the lesson from this story? Sometimes a very simple, innocent question can make a huge difference. Even if you don’t live in a forest and no one wants to eat you: Questions have power that we often don’t realize. Because the person who asks, leads. And: The better the question, the better the answers. So, let’s start right away with really good questions. They can sometimes create a truly magical energy.
Blink 1 – How could you make the problem worse?
What does this mean? You are here to solve problems, not to make them worse, right? Yes, that’s true. But let’s put it this way: Everything has its time. And there are times when some things just don’t work. It doesn’t matter how hard you try. For example, if you are in a panic, you can’t quickly find a good solution for your current problem. Does that sound a bit unclear? Then let’s look at an example quickly. It will soon become very clear.
At the start of the Corona pandemic, Karin Kuschik began offering phone coaching. Thomas was one of her first clients in this new way of working. When Karin asked him what he wanted to talk about, everything burst out of him. The virus, the rules! This is taking away our freedom! It can’t be right! There must be a plan behind it! In short, the whole situation stressed him so much. He could barely sleep. He also got a strange rash!
Thomas sounded hurried and out of breath. He seemed close to being aggressive. In such a mood, you can’t calmly look deeply into the problem’s cause. So Karin Kuschik tried a question that seemed silly: “How could you make the problem worse?” Thomas first paused. “Make it worse, why would I do that?” So Karin asked in more detail: “Well, imagine I want to be as stressed as you are. What should I do to achieve that?” Finally, the first answers came out: “First, you would have to google. For a very long time, actually most of your time. You would need to look only for bad news. And you should avoid well-known news sites. Look on smaller websites instead. Because you are googling so much, you should also forget to eat. And most importantly, don’t go outside and get some exercise!” And just like that, Thomas had given himself the answer to his problem.
The question ‘How you can make your problem worse?’ works when everything feels too much. At that moment, the person knows all about the problem. But they can’t see any solutions. So, you simply turn things around. You start walking directly in the wrong direction. And then: Turn 180 degrees. You will then know where the solution is.
Blink 2 – Can we agree that… ?
Antonia was very angry. “It can’t be that we are arguing about the dishwasher. Like a boring, old-fashioned couple! I’ve told him ten times to empty the clean dishes before putting dirty ones in. And him? He just does it again. He leads 200 people at work. It can’t be that he fails at the dishwasher.”
Well, who doesn’t know them? These annoying everyday moments keep happening again. Even though the thing should be clear. But somehow, you always end up in the same silly situation. It’s like a spell! If this sounds familiar, you should pull a question out of your hat. This question can help you see if you and the other person think the same way. Because what is obvious to you might be… quite different for the other person?
So, in the next talk with her husband, Antonia asked the key question: “Can we agree that we first empty the clean dishes before putting a dirty plate in the dishwasher?” A very simple question. No blame, just interest. His answer: “No. It’s too much effort for me to empty the whole machine just for one dirty plate.”
Oh. I see. That changes the situation, of course. Please don’t expect miracles: Antonia and her husband are now divorced. Still, the question helped. It moved the talk from the small issue of the “dishwasher” to the main problem: “Who is actually responsible for what here?”b
So be careful when you use this question: “Can we agree that…?” Because it brings out the truth. You might not have seen this truth for a long time, or you didn’t want to see it. It creates clarity where there is doubt. Whether you like the result is another matter. Sadly, clarity and harmony rarely come together. But with this question, you will surely get rid of annoying topics that keep coming back. They have been with you for too long.
Blink 3 – On a scale of 0 to 10, where are you right now?
Since we’re talking about annoying everyday situations like emptying the dishwasher, here’s another classic: the sulky teenager. A dream, right? Let’s take Nils. For days, he has been moving around the house like a ghost. He probably last spoke a full sentence around Christmas. Still, you notice something is wrong with him. But what is it? How can you reach him?
Nils clearly doesn’t feel well. But talking about feelings at this age is known to be the most embarrassing thing ever. Okay. Then try using numbers! This is what Karin Kuschik did with Nils, her friend’s son. She actually has a good relationship with him. She asked him how he was. He said: “Bored and unhappy, no idea why.” So she asked: “And on a scale from 0 to 10, where 0 is very unhappy and 10 is great, where are you?” Nils’s answer: “2.” Oh dear. So she immediately added the next question: “Hmm, and what would need to happen for you to reach 8?” And suddenly, it came out: He would like to go to Australia after finishing school. But he doesn’t dare to ask his parents for help. He doesn’t want to be a burden to them. They already seem so stressed lately. Oh, I see, that was easy. Once it’s out in the open, you can work on the issue.
Scale questions are always good when you don’t dare to talk about something directly. Or when you are with someone who doesn’t want to be open. Imagine you are making sales calls. You feel like you are annoying your customers. But you don’t want to do that. Then you simply ask: “Honestly, on a scale of 0 to 10, how much do you want to have this conversation?” And then you continue just like Karin with the sulky teenager: “What would need to happen for you to be at a 7 or 8 here?”
Or you are in talks with a new possible client: “Tell me, what do you think are the chances, in percent, that we will do business?” And then: “Oh, whoops, could I do anything to make the chances go over 50 percent?”
You see: If it feels strange to talk about something directly, but you still need concrete information, scale and number questions give you another way to understand. With them, you can put emotions aside first. Then you can solve the problem calmly and step by step.
Blink 4 – Was that a blame or interest?
Now we get to the important stuff. With this question, you can deal with all passive-aggressive complainers once and for all. You know them – those people whose words sound mean or like a blame.
Like Nathalie’s sister, for example. She likes to say things like: “You never call!” or “I’m baking a cake on Sunday, but you probably have something better to do anyway.” Nathalie can try to explain herself, make excuses, and feel guilty. Or she can take the chance to create clarity. She asks directly: “That sounds a bit mean. Is that a blame or are you just interested?”
Or let’s take that one colleague who always spoils everything you do. During a workshop lunch break, for example, he might say: “Well, you’re the hardworking star student again today, of course!” Sounds… a bit mean? Then just ask: “I’m not sure, do you mean that kindly, or was that a strange dig at me?” You see, you can adjust this question to the situation, of course.
This “double-decker” question is very clever. It addresses what you notice without you making a blame yourself. You are simply asking where you stand. At the same time, it makes the other person state their position. And the best part: By giving an alternative right away, the question is both a challenge and an offer of peace. You are basically saying indirectly: “I notice something is wrong here. If something bothers you, please tell me. But if you just want to spread bad mood because you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, then you can step back now.”
And the question has another benefit: You don’t even need your own idea. You just take what the other person says. Then you offer them two ways to understand it.
By the way, this question works best in an “apple spritzer” tone. This is the casual and harmless tone you use when you order an apple spritzer in a cafe. No feelings, no drama. Just a simple transfer of information.
Blink 5 – Which of my values is absolutely not negotiable?
You have probably reacted strongly and without reason before. Someone says something you don’t like. Instead of taking a deep breath and answering kindly, you get very angry. Or you stand up and leave. This depends on your personal way to deal with too many emotions.
It’s not bad; it happens to all of us. It’s even not just not bad, but quite good! Because these situations are often a very useful guide for how you deal with yourself. Every time you lose your temper, it clearly shows that one of your most important values is being hurt.
Your personal values are a very important key to understanding yourself and others. If you know what values are behind a reaction or behavior, a confused head shake turns into a big “Aha”. The problem, however, is that many people don’t know their own values or the values of others.
An example: Let’s say your most important value is honesty. You have plans for an after-work drink with a good friend, let’s call her Anne. Ten minutes before you meet, she sends you a message: “Sorry, I have to work overtime, it won’t work today!” The next day, you accidentally meet Anne’s flatmate. She tells you that Anne was home at 5:30 PM yesterday. She spent the whole evening relaxing on the couch. Because honesty is so important to you, this naturally makes you very angry! Why did Anne lie to you?
This could be because Anne’s most important value is harmony. Her social energy was completely empty the night before. She really needed time for herself. But she thought you would feel hurt if she told you the truth. So she made up the white lie about working overtime. Now you have to choose: Do you want to be angry? Or do you want to find out what values are involved in this situation?
To do this, you first need to find out what your values are. Make a list of all possible values that appeal to you in some way. Then keep shortening the list until only one is left. That is your answer to the question: Which of my values is absolutely not negotiable? This answer helps you explain to yourself and others why this is a clear limit. It also helps you set the necessary boundaries. And it helps you explain clearly to others why it’s important to you.
Blink 6 – What part of this is important for me now?
You surely know the last situation we will look at: Someone talks a lot to you. Without pause. They jump from one topic to another. Actually, none of it really interests you. And you actually have something more important to do. But you guess there is important information hidden somewhere in all those words. So you try hard to understand. You want to find out where the real message is. Is it hidden between the neighbor’s broken arm and the football results? In this case, only the “radical hedge trimmer” helps: “What part of this is important for me now?”
This question makes the other person stop and think about the main point. In most cases, the person will then actually share the ‘needle in the haystack’ – the important information. Or they will say: “Ah, nothing really, I just wanted to chat.” That’s also good. Then at least you know where you stand. You can then either let them keep talking. Or you can kindly say that it’s not the right time for you to chat.
However, there’s a small catch: You have to interrupt the other person to ask this question. This is a bit rude. But on the other hand, the other person is also wasting your time quite rudely. If you still don’t want to seem like a harsh talk-dictator, you can introduce the question more politely. For example, you can say: “Excuse me, I know I’m interrupting you, but…” or: “Wait a moment, I can’t follow anymore!” This way, you show the other person that you know you are cutting them off. But you have no other choice.
“What part of this is important for me now?” By the way, this doesn’t just work with the gossip from accounting. Or with the slightly drunk uncle at a family party. You can also correct people who are wrong about the audience or the topic. For example, the show-off in the meeting who changes the topic to talk about their own successes: “Excuse me, but what part of this is relevant to our topic today?” Or you can use this ‘joker card’ when the tax advisor talks too much again: “That’s all well and good about the reform of Article 32A, but can you tell me what part of it is relevant for my tax declaration?” And then you are back to the topic. You are focusing on things that help you, instead of wasting your time.
Blink 7 – If your life were a game – where are you moving around right now?
Compared to the previous questions, this one sounds a bit silly. It is, but that’s exactly where its strength lies. Let’s first look at some answers Karin collected in a workshop:
- “I’m in jail in Monopoly.”
- “I’m the playmaker in the Champions League final!”
- “Oh, I’m just selling hot dogs at the stadium.”
- “I’m about to do a high jump, right before a new world record.”
- “I think… somehow… I’m the mascot?”
So you can simply choose the game field and your role. Very spontaneously. You can ask yourself and others this question if you want to know where you are in life right now. It’s not a question that quickly gets you out of a bad situation. You should give the answer time to show its effect.
So if you feel a bit lost, or if you really want to know what is fundamentally going on, then ask yourself this question. “If my life were a game – where am I moving around right now?” Most likely, an image will appear from your subconscious mind. Maybe you are doing synchronized swimming with your best friends? Maybe you are running out of breath in the middle of a marathon? Or do you feel like the unathletic child who is laughed at by others at the Federal Youth Games? Remember that image and put it on your imaginary desk. Most likely, it contains some answers to questions you haven’t even asked.
“If your life were a game – where are you moving around right now?” This is a question you can calmly ask yourself. Or you can ask others if you want to have a deep and real conversation with them. So, the next time you have a quiet moment, just try it. Where are you moving around right now?
Conclusion
And so we have reached the end of our summary of 50 Questions That Make Life Easier. And, what do you think? Isn’t it interesting how questions automatically put you in charge of a conversation? And it’s quite risk-free too. After all, you are just asking, and that usually costs nothing.
We hope you found some inspiration. See you next time!
Source: https://www.blinkist.com/https://www.blinkist.com/de/books/50-fragen-die-das-leben-leichter-machen-es